Been about 6 months since my last post? Let me go read it real quick. Yep, last post on here was from the last day of MAY and now we are in the 2nd day of November and in about 3 weeks I will have crossed the terrifying threshold of being closer to 30 than 20. In that May post I talked about struggling with the same things I feel like I have since leaving HS and entering “adult hood”. Do I feel like I have made much progress on any of these items? Not really? In most ways still feel very stagnant, very stuck. Why am I still running in the same circle? Because I overthink, lack confidence, do not commit, jump from big thing to big thing, jump into outsourcing and developing a fully fledged plan instead of just fucking DOING IT. Brain has been tainted by social media and trying to build out my personality and accomplishments instead of doing shit, getting good at shit and then compiling an aesthetic way to look at that and make it make sense. Need to DO. And take things one step at a time. I keep looking for the one day that changed everything, the one inflexion point, but, in reality, I do not think that day ever really occurs for most people. Sustainable change is usually slow. Maybe even painfully so. But it is one step. Then another. Then another. Wins and accomplishments slowly building up on top of one another. So, my goal for the rest of the year is to stop fucking having goals. Stop saying “this is it”, “this is the big change, the full send summer, the all out October, whatever” - just taking things day by day. Trying to slowly get better - just learning and fucking GOING FOR IT.
Here is the post for (my) reference: So, here it is, the last day of the month and now we are full send into summer. Still struggling with the same things I have struggled with since college: having a schedule, a persona, a clear identity, a cohesive life, connection, and community. I am really hoping that the new job helps clear some of these things up. And once I have the hang of that role, looking to diversify self w/ Erin as my mentor - start training, freelancing, having a “learn to live”, “curating curiosity”, “homegrown nugget” persona that I take into the world to live and connect.